Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Please Stay Away

from these names for dogs. Take my advice or leave it, but I would suggest taking it.

Never name a rottweiler "Rocky." It's been done. And done, and done. It also suggests that you don't know that rottweilers are not "rockweilers" or "rockweilders."

Never name any dog "Lucky." There is no such thing as a "Lucky" with any luck. Ask anyone who has worked in an animal shelter. It's an unwritten law. I'm now putting it in writing.

Stay away from the name "Half Dead." It is generally a bad idea to name a dog (or any other living being) anything with "dead" in it. The only dog I know that has the name "Half Dead" is now fully dead.

When naming pit bulls and other dogs with bad reputations, it is generally not only a bad idea, but a beyond cliche idea to name dogs such things as "Henessey," "Dimebag," "Capone," "Kahlua," "Biggie," "Gotti," "Ghost," "Face," (or "Ghostface,") "Remington," and other tuff sounding names. We know they are tuff and like. You could just spell it out and name your pit bull "Criminal." Then again, I've already met two of those, so you might need to pick something else. How about "Gangsta?" I haven't met any of those, yet.

"King" and "Queen," while nice and regal, are really quite worn out. If you have an intact, tough looking dog, I've got about a one in five chance when I say "Hey, King!" Also, naming your dog after the color of his fur is not creative. I.E: "Blue," "Red," "Brownie," "Blackie," "Tiger," etc. "Snowy" is only slightly better. Other descriptors such as "Chubby" and "Fluffy" are almost as bad as "Snowy." How many red dogs and blue dogs and black dogs are there? Approximately 1/4 of them are named after their color. And just because you have a large fluffy dog does not mean you must name it "Bear" or "Oso." Really. There are other kinds of bears if you're stuck (try "Grizzly," even).

I admit, my dog is named "Mac." It only gets a little lamer, with something like "Buddy." In my defense, his name is Mac because his head is big and shaped like a macadamia nut and his brain is small, like a macadamia nut. He's generally nutty. I would recommend avoiding names that are descriptive- "Buddy is my buddy." Well yes, I imagine he is. "Meet Buddy, my buddy." Right. (See above, regarding "Blue, my blue dog.")

I'm happy to take suggestions for more names to add to this list. I'm sure I'll remember more of the bad, overplayed, and generally stupid later.


Anonymous said...

Sir Walter Rickets in the house!

I do like Criminal, admitedly for all the wrong reasons.

BaltimoreGal said...

My female pit bull/ lab mix (black w/ white feet) is Stella. When I'm mad she's Stella Marie Johnson- I don't know why that is because my last name is Coleman. But that is what comes out. I want to adopt another pit or pit mix soon and I do gravitate toward the black dogs since others don't. I need to get a male puppy (rescue of course) because of Stella's dominant tendencies and I really like the name Lucius (family name). Sachfield is another family name I like for a male dog if Lucius is too serious. Yes, this is my southern family.