tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7043381.post8127360321997888939..comments2023-11-03T04:48:30.117-07:00Comments on themacinator: Emily Matchar: Homeward Boundthemacinatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14604965394470394628noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7043381.post-90682883844080386792013-12-03T09:37:08.504-08:002013-12-03T09:37:08.504-08:00(part II)
The vaccine thing is really, really ha...(part II)<br /><br /><br />The vaccine thing is really, really hard for me. I have two kids who have had two long-term reactions to vaccinations, and the propensity of the general public as well as doctors to just wave aside these potentially fatal risks really chaps my hide. Yes, vaccines do great good, but they also do great harm, and it is up to the parents to do the research and weigh the consequences. The vilification I am subject to when I reveal that I reject the recommended vaccine schedule is far beyond the pale (the most recent comparison was to a person wantonly swinging a running chainsaw around me on a rope). It's another kind of mob hysteria that does no good. I will never jab my kids because of social pressure; I will do it if and when I deem the potential risk to them is less than the potential benefit. Here's a place where my education really is a plus; digging through PubMed and CDC studies is not for the faint of heart. And this is a situation where money really does speak... drug companies will fund and publish studies that promote their wares, while government research funding has been drying up at an unprecedented rate. I'm not saying it's a government plot or a secret evil plan; it's pretty clear that drug money drives the research, and doctors are getting their education from drug reps more than the CDC or WHO. As Jessica Mitford, my muckraker heroine, once wrote: "Follow the money." It's very difficult to find balanced research out there on vaccines (and there are so many of them, as well!). If I can't find solid info one way or the other, I go with "first, do no harm." That's what I tell other parents when they ask me... I don't say, "No, I don't vax" or "I delay vaccines" because I don't want them to just follow me. I say, "Do your homework, and vax if and when you are convinced of the benefits and willing to accept the risks, and at peace with accepting either outcome when you commit, because you cannot undo it." <br /><br />Dang. Maybe I should just write my own blasted book! But it's definitely good for me to revisit these decisions... it's easy to get caught up in the tide and relax, rather than question my own motivations and decisions. I can and do change my mind (I used to be a VERY vocal vaccine and hospital birth proponent, believe it or not!), and appreciate your patience with my meandering here.mamagotchahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02023523603288429407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7043381.post-74160086265511743062013-12-03T09:36:32.774-08:002013-12-03T09:36:32.774-08:00I probably took a lot more umbrage than I needed t...I probably took a lot more umbrage than I needed to... if you check the timestamp, I was up WAAAY too late! But I've been mulling it over in my mind all night... why exactly DID I take this path? I think every single step I've taken has been guided by an insane amount of research and interviews (which, as an investigative journalist, I actually know how to do) of people who, in my view, succeeded at childrearing; a project I began when I was first pregnant and knew very few parents, much less parents I wanted to emulate. <br /><br />(Oh, hey, look, I can make paragraphs! I wasn't sure and just let everything run together in that other comment; apologies for the previous imposing unbroken block of text!)<br /><br />The other thing that came up in my musings was the sense of discomfort I get when people say that I've inspired them to stay home and raise their kids in a similar way, mostly because of how well my kids are doing academically but also because of their health, self-confidence, and independence. I'm afraid to be part of a trend that you describe... I don't want anyone to follow my path because of a whim, but I'm always happy to discuss my choices (pros AND cons!) with people seriously exploring their options. <br /><br />This feeling comes up in a real and powerful manner when it comes to homebirth... I knew for a fact that larger women are given pretty horrible treatment in medical situations (and this is not just from my own experience; it's been studied) and my chances of a nonsurgical birth were practically nil. I also knew that the long-term costs, both to baby and mother, of a surgical birth were something I wanted to avoid if at all possible. I did TONS of research and interviews (in the age before the internet!) and gradually came to the choice of homebirth. But it's not like homeschooling, where you can change your mind midstream... it's a pretty major commitment, both for the mom and those around her. In some states (like MO, where my last child was born), you are not only searching for a good caregiver, but one who is actively breaking state law and putting their own lives and family at risk. In that situation, I may not have chosen to do my first homebirth under those conditions (in CA, it wasn't legal yet, but my midwifery practice had been in operation for over ten years with the full blessing and support of the OB director of the nearest hospital, who I also interviewed in the process of my research). Now I use my experience to fuel my activism and work to legalize midwifery (we did it in both CA and MO... next up, IL!). <br /><br />Fortunately, most of my other choices aren't so controversial, at least legally. Culturally, choosing to step outside of the social view of normal can be pretty alienating; I've been lucky enough to land in three areas that each have good support groups for such families. And even within the groups, there's a wide variation. The reverse discrimination felt by moms who choose to bottle-feed these days is an example of the way things have shifted... I sometimes feel unsettled by the mob mentality of some of these "crunchy granola" moms. <br />mamagotchahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02023523603288429407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7043381.post-78815894708611275412013-12-03T08:44:16.347-08:002013-12-03T08:44:16.347-08:00mama- thank you so much for responding! no, you...mama- thank you so much for responding! no, you're most definitely not creepy at all. in fact, i think you're wonderful. you touched on a lot of the things that i didn't in my write up of matchlar's book (and she's a LOT less critical than i am). for example- the job issue. one of the reasons matchlar explains many gen x/gen y'ers are inspired by nontraditional (or extra traditional??) lifestyles is because the current job situation SUCKS. i even wrote about this last week, but forgot to include it- i hate sitting behind a desk and feel like i'm doing exactly nothing- i can hardly fault others for the same thing! the other part of this is that the jobs simply aren't there. making another economic path isn't wrong! Matchlar talks at length, though, about how it isn't always feasible- many are convinced by the few successful bloggers and etsy sellers that they can actually make money, as opposed to your example of saving money.<br /><br />the point about homeschooling is also well taken- matchlar has a chapter at the end of the book about unlikely allies. i loved our conversations about why you chose to homeschool because, as i think i told you, my perceptions of those who homeschool are those who fall pretty much opposite of us on the political spectrum. it's an interesting and new point for many of us urban, (over)educated people who think that all homeschoolers are rightwinglooneys.<br /><br />i think it might be worth reading- another thing i probably left otu is that this book is about a specific population- genx/geny (really geny) women (and the token man that matchlar throws in), so even a little younger than me. i think what you do is really quite unique, while the women matchlar describes- again, not as critically as i do!- really seem to be testing out a trend, many in the name of (what i see as) misguided feminism.themacinatorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14604965394470394628noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7043381.post-72294933562812680022013-12-03T00:33:23.331-08:002013-12-03T00:33:23.331-08:00It's hard not to take some of these comments p...It's hard not to take some of these comments personally, because at first glance, I seem to fit this white, educated, stay-at-home mom model pretty well. But I don't opt out of (most) vaccines because I don't trust the government; I opt out because two of my kids have had severe reactions to immunizations (instead, they get delayed vaccines once their immune systems have matured). I don't bake bread, make yogurt, and garden for some sense of domesticity or back-to-the-earth feeling; I do it because it saves us a crapload of money each month. I don't knit to make money on Etsy; I knit to save money on gifts and to make beautiful and useful things for my friends and family. I stay home and homeschool not because I think public schools suck, but because my career path as a daily newspaper editor vanished and after looking at the costs involved, staying home saved more money than sending me back to school for a new career and paying someone else to raise the kids. My three older kids have 4.0 gpas in college; two are headed to grad school, and the third to travel overseas, all with their own earnings, so attachment parenting and homeschooling didn't seem to hurt them much. We have a pretty wide range of ethnicities and incomes in our homeschooling group; I'm more concerned that single parents and gay parents aren't very visible in our homeschooling community. Maybe a large number of hearth-returners are doing it as a leisure pursuit, but not all of the homeschooling moms I know... we don't take vacations, we don't have a retirement plan, we have one car (or none), we shop at thrift stores. Did I seem "creepy" to you? I know we discussed this somewhat in Glitch... I got the sense that you were curious about the reasoning behind some of my lifestyle decisions, but not that it creeped you out. Not sure if I should read this book... it sounds more like it feeds the fuel of the Mommy Wars rather than building any kind of actual understanding behind each woman's agonizing decision regarding careers and children. Still, thanks for reviewing it and giving me a chance to spout off!mamagotchahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02023523603288429407noreply@blogger.com